RetiredSingles.com Online Dating Tips and Information Articles

I own several successful dating oriented websites for single people seeking relationships.  Some of these sites have been in existence for over 12 years and still going strong.  Below is a series of articles offering advice, tips, information, do’s and don’ts regarding creating personal profiles, security and internet safety issues.  The information in these articles is designed to keep you safe as well as provide you with information to help you realize your goal, whether it is finding love, or just a friend, using the internet.   The internet is now overwhelmingly the most popular venue used to find a date or other relationship-minded people.    Right now there are over 40 million people using online dating sites.  The internet has overwhelmingly overtaken the local bar or club as the most popular venue for meeting people.   Only 9 percent of women and 2 percent of men say they have met a significant other in a bar.  49 percent of Americans know someone that has found a date online.

Whether you are stepping into the world of internet dating for the first time or are a seasoned veteran, I can offer useful and practical advice.   Part of my daily routine is reviewing every profile, photo and credit card transaction that comes into my website for security reasons to protect membership of my sites.  I have read thousands of profiles and received volumes of feedback from member’s comments on other profiles.  I can tell you what works and what does not.  I have broken down this information in a series of articles covering the following categories:

                                1 – Choosing the Right Online Dating Site   - [This article is shown below]

This article contains information which describes the different categories of internet dating sites, and will help you decide which type suits your needs.

                                2 – Creating an Online Dating Profile - [This article is shown below]

                This article will answer a lot of questions regarding what to do and what not to do when creating the written section of your profile.  Describing one’s self can be difficult for most people.  This article will take the pain out of this necessary process, and offer valuable, tried and proven tips that will enhance your profile.

                                3 – Posting Photos  [This article coming soon]

What to do and what not to do and uploading tips to keep you safe and to enhance your chances for success.              

                                4 – Security Tips When Using Singles Websites [This article coming soon]

                                5 – Communicating Online  [This article coming soon]

This will give tips and guidelines in using chat rooms, IM and e-mail when communicating with prospective connections.   Proper protocol and behavior, and dealing with rejection.

                                6 – The First Date [This article coming soon]

Choosing the Right Online Dating Website  

This is the first in a series of articles I have written which offer advice, tips, information, dos and don’ts regarding online dating.  This includes valuable information regarding creating a personal profile, photos, and issues regarding security.  The information in these articles is based on my extensive experience as an owner of several successful dating websites.  

The internet is one of the most popular venues used to find a date, lover, friend, or other relationship-minded people. Right now there are over 40 million people using online dating sites, and the numbers are growing.   More than one in five relationships in the U.S. began on a singles website.  The internet has overwhelmingly overtaken the local bar or club as the most popular singles oriented venue.

Dating websites come in many flavors, shapes, and sizes.  There are “dating” websites, and there are “relationship” websites.   It is important to determine which direction you want to take in pursuing a partner.    Your favorite search engine will direct you to a myriad of internet dating websites, and it won’t take long to figure which type of dating site you have landed on.    There are several ways to determine what kind of site you are visiting.  The website landing page (or opening page), will describe the theme and goal of the site.   If that does not answer your question, then take a little time to read through some of the profiles, via the “Search” function on the site.  This function will prompt you to enter (at the very least) the sex, age, and geographical location of the person you are looking for.  Your screen will then show several profiles of people that fit within the parameters you entered.  If the site specializes in matching up casual relationships, you will read profiles with r-rated, or often more sexual in nature, descriptions of themselves, as well as the type of person and relationship they are looking for.  Websites that are relationship oriented would, almost always, edit out users that are seeking an “Adult”, sometimes referred to as “Casual” or a type of sexual encounter referred to as a “hook-up.” On my websites, I remove profiles, and terminate the accounts of those using suggestive language, foul language, or conducting themselves in an inappropriate fashion.  While you are viewing the member’s profiles, you will have the ability to surf through their photos.    The theme of the website will be evident by the suggestive, or conversely, the g-rated nature of the photos.   Photos which do not include a full facial shot, or are clearly a professional looking photo, are a red flag.  This is an indication that someone is hiding something.  Scammers often lift photos from other websites and attempt to pass them off as their own.  These photos appear to be too perfect, and what appears to be too good to be true, when it comes to the internet, is usually a fraud.  Trust your instincts, and your first thoughts are usually the right ones.

Take the time to read the website’s “Terms,” or “Terms of Use” page.  The link is usually located on the footer of the site.  This describes the rules which the users must abide by when using the site.  If a website’s “Terms of Use” page doesn’t read like mine, then chances are it is not a relationship oriented site.  Here is an example of a standard “Terms of Use” page:

TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT

                     By using the RetiredSingles.com Website, (the "Website") you agree to be bound by these Terms of Use (this "Agreement"), whether or not you register as a member of (website URL), ("Member"). If you wish to become a Member and make use of the (website URL) service (the "Service") please read these Terms of Use. If you object to anything in this Agreement or the (website URL) Privacy Policy, do not use the Website or the Service. The Terms of Use are subject to change by (website URL), at any time, effective upon posting on the (website URL) website, and your use of the Service after such posting, will constitute acceptance by you, the member, of such changes. All primary photos MUST show a full facial view, or profile will be removed.

You will not post personal contact information anywhere in your profile information that is viewed by the membership or the public, such as a telephone number or e-mail address. You will not post on the Website, or transmit to other Members, or otherwise communicate any defamatory, inaccurate, abusive, obscene, profane, offensive, sexually oriented, threatening, harassing, racially offensive, misrepresentative, illegal material, or any material that infringes or violates another party's rights (including, but not limited to, intellectual property rights, and rights of privacy and publicity). Furthermore, you will not take actions to promote the physical harm or harassment of another person, engage in or promote spamming, provide information that you know is illegal, false or misleading, or designed to exploit those under 18 or otherwise provide instructional information about illegal activities such as making or buying illegal weapons, using stolen credit card information, violating someone else's right to privacy or providing or creating computer viruses.

(Website name) reserves the right to investigate any suspicious activity conducted on the website. If you engage in fraudulent activity, otherwise known as scamming, you will be held liable for all damages incurred by (website URL). If you use this service unlawfully, we will pass along all information to the appropriate law enforcement agencies. Such aforementioned actions will result in termination of Membership.

   Many users that have tried their luck on the “Adult” and “Casual” dating sites often describe the experience as something resembling the Wild West, or a lawless land.  They are known for harboring scammers looking for unsuspecting members to dupe into giving them money, or stealing identity through unsavory, technological means.  It is evident that there is very little supervision, and the tolerance level is very high when it comes to inappropriate behavior.    To avoid this, I suggest doing research by reading online reviews of the sites you are interested in.  Your favorite search engine will direct you to blogs, or online comments, both good and bad, made by members.  In fact, the most common negative comments about dating websites have to do with scammers, and fraudulent activity they have experienced.  However, you can just as easily meet a scammer, or con artist, at a bar, club, or at a friend’s party.  If you haven’t had a bad experience with a blind date, or with someone you met in person, then you don’t have to look hard to find someone that did. 

                 I often recommend smaller niche dating sites for people looking for those with similar interests and lifestyles, in a specific geographic area.  There are niche dating sites for everyone.  There dating sites for dog lovers, bird lovers, and you can probably find one for those who prefer a specific color M & M candy.  It is always easier to strike up a conversation online with those that have similar interests.  You already have common ground and there’s no need to stress over subject matter or a topic to break the ice.    There is a dating site for every interest group.  Your favorite search engine will find several choices for yours.

Of course there are always the large dating sites to choose from.  These membership populations run into the thousands and even millions.  One big advantage in joining these sites is the fact that their advertising budgets are massive and they have wide geographic visibility.  If sheer numbers is what you are looking for, then the mega dating sites are for you.  They are not niche oriented, so you will be meeting people online with a wide scope of interests and lifestyles.  These sites are also highly automated which can cause security concerns.  The smaller the membership, the easier it is to keep the scammers, and those that are there for the wrong reasons off the site. 

There are many factors to consider when deciding between a paying membership oriented matchmaking website, or a free one.  One of the first questions I would ask myself is what would you pay to find the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with?  Could you place a dollar value on the quest to find a life-partner?  How much is your time worth?   If you have ever been a part of a bar or club dating scene, you are familiar with the hours spent “trolling” through the loud, alcohol induced masses, not to mention the money wasted on drinks, food, and singles events’ entry/membership fees, just to meet a prospective date.  Chances are the time and money involved in this scenario would add up to more than an online membership would cost you.     You can pre-screen potential dates right from the comfort of your home with the security of anonymity, and quickly focus on those with similar interests and lifestyle, with minimal commitment.   My website allows members to IM (instant message) with other members, which is a great way to communicate with someone they would like to meet, or discover one’s fatal flaws, without the expense of a date, and the awkwardness of an uncomfortable rejection.

    In most cases, the sites with paying memberships will have a more enhanced level of security.   I know that in my websites, security is figured into the budget.  In addition, the credit card merchant companies, requires all websites that receive income through Visa, Master Card, Amex, etc. to incorporate strict measures to prevent fraud.  There are specific guidelines I must follow regarding fraud preventive technology, and this technology is not cheap.  Without going into detail, for obvious reasons, one example of this technology allows me to determine the specific geographic location of the user’s computer.  Their location must match the location of the address on file with the credit card company, or else that user is terminated, and the membership fee is refunded to the credit card holder.  Credit card fraud detection is the first line of defense when determining whether a member is a scammer, or genuine. 

When choosing between a large, dating site, or smaller, you are not always getting a bargain for your money with the big sites.  They are usually more expensive or similar in price to the more “boutique” sites and with the quality and access to technology today, they don’t have more functions or bang for the buck so to speak either.   My sites, as well as a myriad of other high quality smaller sites, have the exact same functionality as the mega sites with large television advertising budgets.   If you price the most popular, large dating sites, you will find that they charge very high fees.  Advertising is expensive.

In general, I have found that those that are on a paying site tend to be more serious about pursuing a genuine relationship.  Members on a paying site have already made a financial commitment to finding a significant other, and will not be wasting their time encountering “tire kickers” online.  With that said, it doesn’t mean that those on a free site are not serious. Take the time to do some research on the sites you are thinking of using, it will pay off significantly. If you follow some of the tips in this article, you will find yourself a few steps ahead of the masses.  One of the keys to success in finding a life partner is about finding the right website that will enhance your odds of finding someone with similar goals as your own.

CREATING AN ONLINE DATING PROFILE

Filling out your profile information is the most important action taken, when you choose to enter the world of internet dating.  Most people cringe at the thought of describing themselves.  Talking, or writing, about yourself in a way that makes you attractive requires a bit of finesse to say the least.  Your profile is your “representative” and it’s your only opportunity to make an appealing first impression.   It is wise to avoid the obvious pitfalls such as overly bragging, without giving the impression of low self esteem, and avoiding the overly wordy, ego driven self description, while still including just enough pertinent information about yourself.  As you will see, in this article, a combination of subtlety and common sense will go far in creating a positive perception of yourself.

When you first login to an internet dating site you will be asked to create a username.  This should be a name, short phrase, or a word that had no direct connection to your name.  Do not use your real name!  You run the risk of having someone you may know browsing through your personal profile information, and you run the risk of becoming the victim of mistaken identity.  Assume there are others out there with your name.  Pick an innocuous word or phrase that will not create a negative image.   First impressions last forever, therefore, if you are serious about attracting a significant other, keep sexual innuendo, overly aggressive, or any questionable material out of your username.    Men with usernames such as Lovemuscle82, and women with usernames such as SexyforU1965, will not receive many e-mails from eligible, serious prospects.  Again, this type of behavior resembles that of a scammer, and will prompt swift action in the form of removal on serious dating sites.

You will be asked to fill out your personal information, such as your name, address, e-mail, etc.   Be honest, and keep in mind that this is confidential information for the website use only.  Be sure the website does not sell or share your personal information.  The policies of the website will be set forth in the Privacy Statement, which should have a link on the opening page.  If you don’t see their Privacy Statement, you should e-mail the site, and ask what their policy is.  I do not share or sell my members’ personal information whatsoever.  I think it is highly unnecessary, and is a breach of the website’s responsibility to divulge any of its members’ information.  Furthermore, the site should have several layers of security technology to protect that information from being seen by hackers, or any accidental breach of security.     These measures are not expensive for the website to install, and it is advisable to e-mail the site you choose, and ask about their security defenses.  It is important to be honest when answering these questions.  After all, you would want those that you are communicating with to be completely honest as well.  If you try to be deceptive, you will most likely be removed from the site.  Your IP address is detected the second you register your information.   Each computer has a unique digital identity, (or number assignment) that shows your location in the world to the site administrator.  If the location you list as your address does not coincide with the address shown as your IP, it will send up a red flag, and you will be removed from the site.  As a rule of thumb, website owners feel that if a member has nothing to hide, there is no reason to provide misinformation.   All these measures are there to protect the membership from scammers, spammers, and those that are not using the website for appropriate reasons. 

Next, you will be asked to fill out your profile information.  The information you provide here is used as criteria to match you up with a prospective connection.  You will be asked a series of questions regarding your weight, body type, age, general geographic location.  Then you will most likely have to describe yourself, personality wise, your likes, dislikes, and describe the type of person you would like to meet.    This is another vital aspect of the profile that can, if done well, can dramatically increase your chances to obtain your goal.  I have seen many members leave this blank.  Some people find it hard to write objectively about themselves as a subject.  My suggestion is to limit this essay-type section to a couple of short paragraphs.  If you write a long dissertation about your life’s story, and ramble on about a lengthy laundry list of characteristics you want, or don’t want in your partner, you will experience limited communication.  Give this section a lot of thought, because this will be the first exposure to your personality.  Too much information (TMI) could be construed as desperate or insecure, and you certainly don’t want to sound demanding by including a long list of requirements.  Needless to say, spelling, grammar, and diction are important.  My advice is to write your information on a word processing program to check for spelling and grammar, then copy and paste it to your profile.  Always choose your words carefully, and try to put yourself in the position of the person reading your profile.  Ask yourself if you would want to continue to pursue a line of communication with the person behind your profile.  Remember, the goal is to get to the level of communicating with a prospective date, either via e-mail or IM, or both.  Theoretically, this is where your personality will shine.     

When describing yourself, talk about your hobbies, interests, what you like to do in your spare time, and what it is about those activities you like.  List a couple of your favorite books that you have read, and why you liked them.  Talk about what you liked the most about the main characters, and how you relate to them.   Hobbies, books, and general interests tell a story about you.  We all have very defined and cognate reasons for liking a book, writer, movie, or a television show.  Get in touch with what makes them appealing to you, and write it down.  This gives others a peek inside your psyche.   A subtle mention about your pet, or pets, will suffice.  If you ramble on about your pets, it will conjure up visions of a hoarding animal fanatic, living with a house full of zoo animals.  A short, concise paragraph or two will speak volumes, and you will avoid turning off those that read your profile with an embarrassing, self-centered rant about how great a person you think you are.

Keep politics out of your profile.  This will surely eliminate a large segment of your prospect pool.   Do not discuss clubs or groups you belong to.  This would obviously allow those reading your profile to have unsolicited access to your whereabouts, otherwise known as stalking.  Clubs and social groups can create pre-conceived stereotypes about your personality.  When describing your dating or marriage history, you should keep it brief, and avoid sharing negative feelings or thoughts.  Most eligible prospects view the profiles with horror stories as damaged goods.  Remember, everyone is looking for a life partner, not a rehabilitation project.  Nightmare stories about your ex are not advised.  Everyone has a story about an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend.  You may think yours is interesting, but trust me, it is boring, and nobody cares.  Positive, forward thinking members always shine on the internet dating sites.